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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?